A Meaningful Blog

A meaningful blog. Hmmm. If a blog is truly meaningful, it must do something to you while you are reading. What an oddly intoxicating notion. I can modify something about you just by stringing words together into sentences! And I don’t even have to follow all the grammar rules from school (sorry, Mrs. Kissinger). I just have to say something that may change your mind about something. Although I really don’t have time to dig into your brain and convince you that you’re wrong about the way you hang up your toilet paper rolls or the order in which you put on your socks. Or I can deepen your beliefs about something, but I’d have to know your position on the reality of unicorns before we can talk. Or I can make you momentarily question something you think is true: you think everyone on the planet is human, but visitors from the planet Xgahoirewhjo are living amongst us and one of them sits next to you every day at lunch. But I should really let them do the writing, they don’t like the way I write the word “and.” Or perhaps I can teach something in my blog, but only if you want to learn about running or taking care of medical patients, if you don’t, I’m probably not the best person to teach you anything. Unless maybe you don’t know how to make a peanut butter and banana sandwich, in which case it’s probably just easier if I show you so I can eat it when we’re done. Or I can share an event you may or may not ever experience, although I tend to experience icky nursing things, so you better let your food settle first. Or I can just put a picture in your head—right now you are wearing a pink nightgown with your hair in curlers and your first grade teacher is painting your fingernails blue. You’re a guy? Then your feet are also soaking in hot water, and you kind of like it. Or I can motivate you to go try something. Haven’t you always wanted to perform a Grease song on a crowded boardwalk in Atlantic City wearing a fringed vest and shooting paint balls? Or urge you to accomplish great feats (a solution for Medicare, perhaps? Good luck) or menial tasks (flossing once a day—only between the teeth you want to keep). Or entice you to sign up for something, although I can really only offer Twitter and Facebook at this point until I get a petition started for creating running lanes in schools—we’ll start with high schools first and see how many injuries occur before allowing it in elementary schools where untied shoes may be a tad risky. Or my blog could get you to pay for something, but I’m not selling anything . . . unless you’d like some Girl Scout cookies? So, to sum up, if you are reading this sentence, I am really amazed that I made you do something: you read my first blog. Way to go! Now go chat with the Xgahoirewhjo-ite; I think they like you, or maybe they just want your chocolate milk.